Firstly, it’s important to realise that this is an illness caused by perfectionist demands of 'trying too hard' to 'get everything right in your life'. Therefore, we have to be very careful not to follow the line of 'having to do something' to sort ourselves out. The fact is, as stated on the 'Developments' page, it is a case of 'not doing' and this is where I think many therapies get this wrong. Understanding is the real solution to this illness and as you will see from the 'Crux of Recovery' section in each journal, this has been isolated as a 'process of fighting'. Indeed, we are guilty of already trying to 'do' too much - which is the main reason we are suffering from this illness. Set situations are outlined in each journal to show how this all fits into place.

In plain English, whenever I feel the temptation to 'force' myself into a secondary controlling/questioning process, I simply remind myself that it's important 'not to' engage in this fight.

This is my reassurance that I'm not 'doing' anything wrong and that my 'initial' thoughts and controls are OK. I don't have to 'do' anything more. I may have had a thought that made me feel threatened momentarily, but that is normal and all it has to be - not a 'drawn out', cumulative, destructive process. I will 'naturally come out' of distressing/uncomfortable thoughts without having to consciously 'do' anything. This is where you have to 'trust' yourself, as everything will be taken care of if you allow it.

Clarification is essential here, as I have tried all sorts of recovery strategies without really knowing 'what process does my mind engage in when I panic?'. Well I have finally recognised this 'fighting' as the 'exact description' of the mental process taking place during these 'drawn out' periods of anxiety. This is then reversed by simply 'not doing' this. The associated 'ritual' process, which we hope will relieve us of this problem is then no longer followed. 

As in paragraph 1, for example, I have even said to myself 'let go' when I have panicked, but like many of you have recognised, this is not enough as it actually means you force yourself into more checking, such is the confusion surrounding this illness. This is a typical example of saying to yourself you must 'do' something, ie telling yourself to let go is another form of pressure to 'do' something, so you don't relax and tense up even more! This is simply the illness reincarnated, as it just becomes another ritual and is referred to in my journal as 'fighting to relax'. Indeed, maybe you only have some of these symptoms/coping techniques, but my point is that we may all have a similar, yet erroneous way of gaining control.

I hope you’re getting a feel of how I’ve narrowed this down, and that by understanding 'what I do exactly', I have now made a complete recovery. Over the years, I have been aware of what I have been doing, but have not known 'how' to stop it. That's why I have created this site, as I appreciate just how difficult and confusing this illness can be. Most of my time has been spent trying to 'do' something about it, whether it be relaxation techniques or techniques to 'flow'/'let go' or 'accept' my thoughts, but this has just increased my anxiety. So, whilst these are all very relevant, they are resulting benefits from recovery and not solutions (see 'Guest Hypnotherapist' - Journal 1).

Indeed, I now find I am far more relaxed, because I can 'rely on' my natural controls without the need to question them.

However, this is a 'resulting benefit', because you must first deal with the 'problem of panic' (see also 'The Boxing Ring Analogy' - 'It's easier not to step into the ring' - Journal 2) and the e-mail response on the next page.

'We all have natural controls, without having to 'think' about them. It's about 'trusting yourself' and not questioning these. We will then be in flow.'

IN A NUTSHELL!

Firstly, we have to understand that this is an illness caused by wanting 'complete' control of our lives and, more importantly, going the wrong way about it.

To get 'real' control, we have to flow and cannot question our thoughts/feelings. How we do this is extremely important, as when we feel threatened, it is our mistaken response to 'do' something extra about this and not rely on our natural controls to 'bring us out' of these thoughts. Indeed, it is at the 'exact point' when we are 'coming out' of a thought, that we then want to force ourselves 'back in' for a complete understanding.

This was like my 'ritual' of constantly saying 'relax' in my head, as I thought this would be the solution to my initial feeling of threat. However, I soon realised that trying to 'do' something about my thoughts was actually part of the illness itself. By constantly saying relax to myself, I would end up 'trapped' in a never ending whirr of anxiety, as I was 'making an issue' out of normal thoughts/feelings that should have come and gone.

The direct solution to this problem is to understand what process we engage in when we react to fear and that recovery is a simple mental reminder 'not to' do this. Tension then disperses and sanity is restored. We can then trust our natural controls to deal with situations, but we don't have to think about these. They 'come to us' - we don't have to go to them (see also 'Finale' - Journal 1 and 'Understanding is Everything' - Journal 2). Therefore, our 'primary' thoughts and controls are allowed to function without us having to 'do' anything consciously about them.

Once you understand this process, it is easier to achieve than having to inadvertently 'force' yourself into more anxiety, as it's less energy-sapping and of course 'the right thing to do'. However, you will have setbacks I'm sure, as this 'process' can be very subtle at times. Indeed, this is the reason we suffer it in the first place (see 'Getting Ahead of Myself' - Journal 2).

We can only reap the benefits of an improvement in 'life performance', if we have the self-belief to trust our initial thoughts/feelings and, indeed, the 'unconscious controls' that 'bring us out' of these. 'Truly' confident people don't question these - they are in flow and 'in the now' - not that the 'now' is a perfect place by the way, but certainly a better one!'

'You've got to flow with the highs and lows. Only then can you move forward in life.'

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