READY TO BELIEVE IN 'THE AUTOMATIC' YOU?

It's not about what thoughts we have, but how we field those thoughts

SAMPLE ADVICE COLUMN - "I JUST GOT STRONGER!"

On Mon 15/09/08 7:05 PM , Kay sent:
Hi Will, been having a rough time with the anxiety at the minute. Things are starting to clear though, and in a way its been a good setback as its shown me even when i do panic nothing bad ever happens. When you panicked did u ever confuse the panic urge with a feeling u may lose control, now usually this causes me to panic fight etc... but this lately i have simply given my body the chance to lose control... but it never does!  A'm i right in thinking in my fight to gain control i have confused my body into thinking i will lose control if i dont fight.. which is why i feel the panic urge? 
 
In case you dont understand what i mean il give u an example.  Say i had a one of thought that my friend was looking a bit on the chubby side(primary), then i over reacted to this thought (secondary)... leading to me to feel tremendous guilt and obsessing over the thought.  Then i start to panic and confuse my panic urge with an urge to call her fat etc...(fear of losing control).  Can you relate to this??  This isn't actually one of my thoughts, but iv had simlar situations due to me over reacting in the past.  I suppose im asking this to clarify if these situations are caused by obsessive panic? 
 
How strange that all my suffering is self inflicted, no wonder people never recover on tablets or therapy etc... i guess deep down we can only help ourself- whiles been pointed in the right direction.  Thanks Kay

Hi Kay - yes you know it exactly - the fear of losing control is the 'reason' we over analyse/obsess or run/take repetitive 'comfort' - this is all part of the secondary fight, or flight - now the main thing is here that you understand this - which you do. Many people are documented all over the place for a) having a negative/uncomfortable thought and then b) thinking they have to 'follow it through' i.e. that terrible feeling you have to harm yourself or others. As you know, I explained this in the book,  where I thought I would have to 'run' to the other side of the University campus to 'get away' from my girlfriend, such was the extent to which I had 'pushed' myself down the secondary negative route - ALL from one thought that I was unsure whether she really cared about me.

So, what you also say is "you didn't actually lose control'' when you chose not to fight and gave your body 'the chance'. Hopefully, by now, you will also understand that the 'reason' you didn't lose control was that 'by the time' you felt ready to panic fight - you had actually, already 'come out' of that 'now historic' thought. So, if we choose to 'enter' the secondary fight or flight - it is after the event' anyway and 'when' we have already gained 'subconscious' control, via our cut-offs.

Sorry about all the highlighted words, but this is important, as its' amazing 'how' people really are crushed by this illness - and believe me, there are so many 'high profile' people out there, who have needed this help - but who just show that this can affect any of us - it's a silent disease. 'The Final Stage' just shows how you can get to the stage where you are 'fully' in the 'automatic' and 'subconscious' and this is where you WILL also get momentary control - ALL you need. Cheers! Will

On Tue 16/09/08 1:49 PM , Kay sent: Thanks Will!  I new i was right, i guess i was just looking for confirmation again!  Even though i have felt crap this past week, im glad i went through what i did... as it was the first propper chance i observed and not controlled... and i got confidence knowing that nothing bad ever really happens.  I think each time i come through that, the more confidence il have.
 
Would u say your illness was 'pure O'... ? i dont know if you have herd of that but its suposidly OCD without any external compulsion....thats what i class myself as. Either way i think we all suffer the same mental 'battle' with this illnesss...... but the compulsions of OCD are habits of control.  It really does seem mad from the outside, but when you look at it that way it really is just a lack of understanding.  I used to wonder how people with OCD cant stop compulsions such as excessive hand washing.... but its quite sane really- as through lack of understanding they felt it gave them control... not a hard habit to fall into if you are confused and desperate.   Thanks for your help! Kay

On Thu 18/09/08 12:47 AM , root@doyoupanic.co.uk sent: Thanks Kay - yes I would agree that mine was very internalised 'thinking' based. However, my concept came to me as making so much sense that many others have applied it - whether we internalise or externalise - it is just a different type of reaction, but still a 'conscious' reaction nevertheless. cheers! Will

On Fri 19/09/08 2:35 PM , Kay sent: Hi Will Yes i totally agree, it doesn't matter what the reaction is- theyre all habits formed to gain control.... and all unnecessary!  I do psychology at college- some of the theories i disagree with, but one which is scientifically proven really supports your book.  It says there are two types of memory, short term and long term.... short term ones last up to 30 seconds and long term ones can be stored for a life time.... depending on how you respond to thoughts etc.  So when a person is in flow, their short term memory filters out all the unnecessary information.... and the long term memory remembers all the important stuff.   So all our secondary thinking is sending thoughts straight to the long term memory and keeping them fresh in our mind as we place a false importance on them!  So everyone's brain is capable of filtering out the negatives if we stop trying to intervene and over-control! 
 
I have been doing really well these past 4 days.... i have managed not to fight the panic urge once, and now it is subsiding. I have even had a couple of days with no panic urge at all!  Its like now i know this works, i don't really feel the need to control - so i don't feel the need to force myself to think the negatives in order to get control (not that i did get control through secondary thinking!).   I keep getting positive thoughts coming to me more too, like how silly i was getting myself worked up before, and thoughts of been 100% sure i will recover!  Once i isolated the over reaction the rest fell into place! Thanks for your help Will, I will keep you posted on my recovery Kay

..Please do - great to hear Kay! cheers Will

The thing is, there is 'no' one particular norm out there! In fact, the 'key' to self-confidence is to 'carry through' who you are, without doubting it ........or, in other words, without reacting to our 'very normal' primary thoughts or feelings - negative OR positive

You CAN move towards more 'real control' in life without the need to 'force' a thing (see also 'Not Questioning /Holding on or Running From Our Incoming Positives' - Chapter 5)

....Therefore, when we become ‘conscious’ of our thoughts is a VERY crucial time, as this is when we are subconsciously cutting-off from them - CHOICES are 'do we then consciously fight/flight or 'do' nothing and 'allow' ourselves to move on'?

Whilst it is easier to ‘see’ the flighter’s ‘response’, it can be misinterpreted that the fighter’s behaviour is calculated. Truth is, they really just don’t know what to 'do' (thanks to JA for this contribution)

On Tue 12/08/08 4:07 PM , "Harrison E" sent: Hi Will, I have been reading your book and can't thank you enough for putting me on the right path. You've given me understanding when no-one else could. I am amazed how different I feel - just hope in time, I will live my life without that temptation to 'react', as I know you say it is now out of your system completely - you're in 'automatic flow', as you put it. So interesting to see where you're at - and how that can inspire us all. If ever I can help you/your cause in any way, then please don't hesitate to ask. Thanks again!  Harrison (see also on 'More Reviews')

When we find some form of control/comfort (pt 4 MORD) for our panic ‘scramble’ (pt 3 MORD - following negative thoughts) we enter ‘the protection zone’ – our ‘safe haven’ for our predicament. However, this protection zone soon becomes ‘repetitive’, as we are trying to control/avoid a negative with a positive that’s already passed – in turn, making a ‘bigger issue’ of the momentary situation we felt ‘uncomfortable’ with.

As already stated, this happened to me in the past when I tried to ‘answer’ my stress with the ‘word’ relax, for example. I would ‘end up’ constantly saying this in my head (see Ch 1 and pt 4 MORD – repetitive ‘coping’ behaviours/actions), as I was trying to fight to ‘hold on/analyse, or question doubt’ a positive thought that had ‘been and gone’. I wasn’t 'automatically' controlling ‘in the moment’, it was, actually, consciously ‘after’ the moment, such was my ‘desire’ for complete control...  

...Any 'forced' panic reacting to our negatives/repetitive over-controlling of our positives is not in the 'now'

It's 'crucial' we stay in the moment, as it's so easy to drift back into our 'bad habit' – this doesn’t just apply to negatives, but also any positive thoughts of control (see MORD/COPAST DIAG Ch 7/‘Getting Ahead of Myself’ – Ch 2)

There's a fine line between 'over-control' and controlling 'in the moment'

..Ref some of my ‘Advice Column’ sufferers (over-controllers first!) “it was like a deliberate act. I was always (and I now realise ‘consciously’) ‘telling’ myself how to cope in my head – I realise now that I didn’t ‘need to do’ this, as any thought that I was trying to ‘consciously’ control – had actually just gone – so subtle, but I am really starting to understand this and the tension has gone. I found, especially when things really 'meant' something to me, my temptation was at its' greatest”… “and it didn’t mean that having that thought to ‘relax’ was wrong – you are right that ‘when it comes to you’ – you just don’t have to fight to hold on to it or question it”

..“I understand my repetitive behaviour now, as I was always trying to consciously force the positives, almost like a one-stop pigeon hole for every negative situation”

'Complete control' is destructive, 'momentary control' is constructive

“I’d be ‘consciously’ thinking about/questioning/analysing everything I was doing – it was almost like a running commentary inside my head, no wonder I felt like I was living in a bubble”

"Hi Will, Thanks for replying, that has helped a lot as i worried about the 'false urge' the panic caused when i investigated and obsessed over thoughts. 
I am learning every day to accept myself and my thoughts, i think a lot of anxiety and obsessive thoughts are caused by the illness been brushed under the carpet. Nobody really feels like its acceptable to think or feel this way, when clearly it is. There are no limits to what our mind can come up with, i once read somewhere that film and script writers are a great example of this. They think and create stories about murder etc.. so these thoughts are perfectly acceptable.  Anxiety sufferers simply overstep the line of investigating these thoughts and not having the confidence to trust themself.
I know now that anxiety will not dominate my life anymore, this specific query was the last thing keeping me in the vicious cycle. Thankyou for confirming this for me :)"
If you would like to add these emails to any of your future journals or books then feel free to do so. The issue i asked about is rarely talked about as people feel they are going mad, which is really sad as a lot of suffering can be avoided through knowledge. Thanks again Candie

Hi Will,
...I have been reading your book again today, the first time i read it i wasnt aware i was forcing myself back into thoughts... so i didnt understand how my thoughts were secondary.  When i read what you are saying in your book it is like i could of wrote some of the examples myself.  I have felt a lot of relief today reminding myself that there is no need to fight something that has already been dealt with... so i have been able to stop myself from fighting back into these thoughts.

I have only suffered for a year because of this habit, so i am optimistic that it shouldnt take me too long to get the hang of things- although i do have patience! Only for the past 5 months have i been a fighter, before this i was a flighter and i must say it is far worse being a fighter! 
Thanks D 

 “I felt compelled to run from the situation, as this seemed the right thing to ‘do’ – as you so rightly say. What I see now is that I have to understand the processes at work. I was over-reacting – even though I thought I ‘had to’ – I realise I don’t. I now stay put and move on with the conversation”

 “A reminder ‘not to’ interfere with what’s been and gone – Will....and I don’t need to throw up any more is something I’ll take…..”(see also ‘Promoting the ‘Subconscious Habit’ -  ‘Habitualisation’ Ch 6).

"Half way through my food, my thoughts turned "I can't do this", "I can't finish this sandwich", "I am going to be sick", "people will laugh at me", "people will think I'm weird", "this old school person will have to finish the sandwich for me". All these thoughts in a nano second (or three). But then my natural cut-offs kicked in, I said "I can do this", "don't fight (or flight from) the panic" and slowly I carried on eating, talked to friends and listened. Before I knew it I had eaten it all........ I so much see how relying on medication or reviewing thought processes were not giving me the confidence that I can recover with my natural ability -- we all can do this (ref Rob's 'Flighter' Case Study - Ch 5)"

...Remember we are consciously trying to control or run away from things we have ‘already, subconsciously dealt with’ – that is our problem and what stops us moving forward on to our next thoughts and flowing through life.

Anything ‘not in the subconscious flow’ is forced

***If this site/book has interested/helped you, then please feel free to feedback and 'post' a comment!

And remember (some primary advice!) - it also 'helps' to take care of yourself physically to get yourself right mentally i.e. exercise, better diet etc, more sleep (if you can) and talk to a 'trusted' source (that could even be me!), as a problem shared IS a problem halved - and will only help you realise you are NOT odd. Will