So, on to the main focus of this website, which is to understand why my 'panic' was a ‘symptom’ of a desire for perfection, which can be truly devastating. As said, in my case, I have found that 'coping with my mind' has, at times, been a real problem. Whilst a lot of my problems have focused on being a 'perfectionist' - don't worry - I am well aware that not all panic sufferers are perfectionists! Nevertheless, COPAST is still 'central' to all recovery where 'flow' is interrupted.

This has sometimes led me to believe I am 'mad', or not normal, which has then caused the ‘panic’. The fact is, I consider myself to be intelligent and have all sorts of thoughts/feelings and have slowly, through time, developed the self-confidence to live with my own mind! There may well be a certain type of person that develops this behaviour – mainly, in my case, someone who is very intense and sensitive and who 'wants things right'. In the book, I make reference to certain 'character types' that 'don't' suffer this 'fight reaction' and are, instead, more 'prone' to a 'flight reaction'. Indeed, when it comes to flighter panic - this is very much an 'opposite reaction' shown by a 'loss of control' - you will see that 'compulsive comfort taking' like smoking/drug/alcohol/food 'excess' etc can be a way of taking this 'comfort' (see next few pages and book Chapters 2, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 8).

There are many situations that have arisen where I really have felt so low and depressed, that I wondered if I was ever going to pull through. I may get stressed, for example, my young son needs daily physiotherapy and when I get home from work I can find myself tied in a ‘mental knot’ about whether to relax and do his exercises later (as I will have to do them for the foreseeable future anyway) or do them as soon as I get in, so that they’re done with and I can then relax. What would then ensue is a flurry of panic, that I should not be thinking in this confused/stressed way and would enter a 'downward spiral' of analysis/checking my every thought – because of initially thinking about just one issue.

I would then find myself trapped in this obsessive checking or analysing with no way out – a typical situation of complete and utter panic. As you will see from the 'How to Recover' page, I have isolated the process which develops in these circumstances and give further examples/situations in the book as well as other people's experiences.

So, now, I would be able to recognise the very important secondary process taking place at this stage in my thought. It is a strong temptation to explain my thoughts, because I don’t have complete control of them. This may be due to me thinking they were wrong/I didn't like them/felt uncomfortable with them/were confusing and wanted clarity etc. The confusion/subsequent whirr I would experience would be quite horrifying, but now I can understand that the problem here, is quite separate and distinct from my initial (natural) thoughts. These, I refer to as ‘primary’ thoughts, as this is where we function as ‘normal’ human beings, but when we cannot cope, we may be tempted to re-run those thoughts (part of panic) - developing a secondary thought process, which can easily become obsessive due to the fact that you cannot accept the 'cut-offs' from these thoughts (see 'How to Recover') - you have become 'trapped'.

The basic concept here is, don’t be tempted to 'force' yourself into this secondary panic. It is not necessary, though you will think it is, and once you have clarified this is a separate process, like I have, you will feel better. That’s what panic is, a separate/distinct forcing back into thoughts/feelings after they have happened. As said, primary thinking is all we should be aiming to achieve – and we will get more control than we ever imagined – very much a 'chicken and egg' situation! If I now encounter stressful situations etc, I simply recognise my temptation to force myself into a panic mode of explaining/checking obsessively and through this realisation, I now find it quite easy to resist this, as I understand what’s happening.

ISOLATE THE 'PROCESS'!

'To achieve flow - we don't have to consciously 'do' anything. In fact, 'consciously fighting or flighting' from our thoughts IS the problem'

You will see that this is really about us staying with what's CURRENT in our thoughts. The MORD ('Method of Recovery Diagram' - Chapter 1) and COPAST Diagram (Chapter 7) show that we unnecessarily 'go back' into our negative and even positive thoughts. We, inadvertently 'hang on to/run from' these thoughts when they've gone, causing greater confusion and 'repetition', as we're 'stuck'. Our 'reaction' may differ because of our personalities - some of us may 'go back' by fighting to understand these thoughts, whilst others may 'take flight' or 'run away' from the perceived 'threat'.

...... Thanks Will again without you I would be still in the sh*te. It is horrible situation to be in, and when you read other people getting stuck I so feel for them. But it’s so eeasy. How long did it take you to figure it out? Hats off to you. I was thinking (oh god!?!?!!) ,well it was my brothers idea, why dont you set-up a forum on your web site I would love to help other people, perhaps another persons view would be useful. Anything I can help with your site, please be free to ask Anyway thanks  N Jun 06

So why did this cause all this anxiety and obsessive behaviour? Well, I think that when you can’t 'come out' of a problem, you tend to, inadvertently, hold on to it. As a result, the 'obsessiveness' was simply being 'stuck' in this internal confusion with no way of knowing how I could escape it. Indeed, it was my natural 'fight' response to deal with this and, hence, the reason why 'letting go' was such a relief. As you will see from the The Mind Works 'Advice Column'/'Flighter' pages, many flighters are also benefiting from this concept.

What really caused me a lot of pain for years was a lack of understanding as to what actually happened. I had to isolate the process which took place, as I had a basic understanding of why I was struggling, but I didn’t know how to stop it happening. Again, when I felt really low and anxious one day, my mind was in its’ usual process of racing in despair and I suddenly realised that I was actually 'forcing' myself in to this behaviour of explaining. Even though it was very enticing, I could clearly recognise this process was unnecessary, and as a result, I felt better. Throughout the next day, there was a real temptation to keep explaining 'how' I was thinking, but I knew what to do and gradually, as time went on, I eradicated this behaviour.

So for those who have really suffered with this, I think there may be some understanding from what I’m saying and that, because I wanted to understand everything in life, there was a tendency to explain compulsively. For others, as you will see, the 'immediate' temptation is to 'run/hide from/avoid' the problem.

Realising that, amidst all the confusion, there is no need to follow this temptation, I operate normally.