What is a 'brief' mental calming?
Have a go at taking your foot “off” the pedal whenever you experience a spike of discomfort with your thinking, and simply see how it goes.
If you feel you are beginning to understand this principle, then it may be helpful to look at these two pages alongside the book.
Why Do We Force Ourselves Back Into Thoughts?
When we feel stressed, we reach a point of awareness — and this is also a point of choice.
Typically, we feel a strong temptation to analyse why we are stressed, or to reach for a particular “buzzword” or technique to try to control the feeling.
This is the secondary phase — and it is unnecessary.
The original stressful thought may have already gone, but our attempt to understand, fix or control the feeling keeps us engaged with it. What began as a normal spike of stress can therefore turn into prolonged panic and tension.
The Reality of Relaxing
Taking your foot “off” the pedal is much like switching off a light.
It is that brief.
The aim in recovery is simply to briefly let go and calm the urge to over-control what is happening.
However, this is something you can only briefly recognise mentally. It should not become deliberate “head-talk” or a repeated instruction to yourself, because turning it into something you have to do can actually add tension to the thought rather than reduce it.
Reducing the Spikes
Starting your day slowly and managing your day in a way that reduces unnecessary stressors is also important. The fewer stress spikes you experience, the less often you will feel the perceived “need” to repair or control them (but remember, this isn't something you have to force - it will come naturally in your momentary flow of thinking).
Remember, that urge to control is actually your mind's natural attempt to protect you. It is like a warning that you are becoming too stressed — a spike — and your mind is encouraging you to do something about it.
Being intense can, of course, be extremely productive. But it can also mean that we frequently cross the line into genuine discomfort. When you are naturally operating at an elevated level, that discomfort can feel as though it is always just around the corner.
This is where learning to take your foot off the pedal mentally, even briefly, becomes important.
Be Careful Not to Turn Recovery Into Another “Do”
Some sufferers find techniques such as breathing exercises helpful. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it can very easily become another repetitive “thing to do” every time stress appears.
When that happens, the technique itself can become another form of control — keeping you engaged with the thought and potentially taking you further into the tense “combat zone” you are trying to leave.
The aim is much simpler:
Recognise the spike. Take your foot off the pedal. Briefly let go — and allow your natural thinking process to continue.
Advice Column...
Here is an advice session with a sufferer who had purchased my book some time ago ...
Hi Jen, don't worry about the length of the message as it gives me a much greater insight into the extent to which you are suffering.
With respect to your current feelings you seem to have a very good take on all of this and I am glad that this time round you have understood it a lot more.
In answer to some of your points
1. Yes you are right ...when you feel stressed this can be constant ...in the case of your back problem you just briefly deflate each time you spike about it
2.Unfortunately when times are really hard you have to dig deep as that spiking can be continuous but you just have to have that unconditional belief that this is normal and you will start to improve ... don't pressure yourself to get complete control of this problem.
3. Being a perfectionist is something that is just you.It is a very positive trait as it shows you care and can be immensely productive! However the reason I wrote the book was to say as with many conditions, there is always a downside and this for us is when we get that temptation to react to being a perfectionist.
Hence, why my recovery strategy is just to mentally deflate at the point of awareness and then we can let go of those bad thoughts even if another one comes in a few seconds later! This is where we really have to dig in and your habit of non-reacting will mean your flow can move you through your stresses.
4. My advice going forward is really to continue what you're doing as there were times when external stresses made me feel panicky all the time as you say 24/7 but ...with the knowledge that reacting to this would make me worse I managed to stay in my momentary flow and then positives do come along to help you deal with your stresses.
...of course feel free to keep emailing or we can always discuss via zoom or phone if that helps? Many thanks, Will
Hi Will,
The following advice column is with a gentleman I have been having advice sessions with over some time
08/04/26